Rudest Drivers - DC in at #5, Top Ten Rules
In a recent survey of 2,500 drivers from 25 metropolitan cities who regularly commute were asked to rate rude drivers and the frequency of road rage in their city.
The Washington, DC metro area came in the number five spot, behind Miami, New York, Boston, and Los Angeles. I hate to agree, but we do have some drivers with “anger issues”. It seems driving in the DC region can be a bit competitive at times. I’m not sure why some drivers believe when they are stuck in total gridlock and moving at less than 3 mph, that driving aggressively will get them to the destination sooner.
So that out of town visitors understand DC driving rules, here’s the Top Ten Rules for Driving in the DC Area:
- The heavier the traffic, the closer you should tailgate the driver in front of you. How else will they know you’re running late?
- The speed limit on the Beltway is…wait, there is no speed limit on the Beltway.
- Using turn signals telegraphs your next move in your personal road battle — never use them.
- When driving on any highway, NEVER leave more than one car length (even at high speeds) between you and the car in front of you. If you do, somebody will fill in the space. Tailgating is a competitive sport in DC.
- The overhead electronic traffic information signs are not there to provide useful driver information, just to make the DC region look more progressive.
- Old Rule - The faster you drive through a red light, the lower your odds of getting hit. New Rule - The more anti-photo reflective paint you have on your license plates, the lower your odds of getting a ticket from a red light camera.
- Exiting the highway is properly accomplished by staying in the left lane until you are just a few feet from your the exit, then swerving violently across 3 lanes to exit. Points taken away for using turn signals (see Rule #3 above).
- “Accident Ahead!” warning signs inform you of problems immediately after you pass the last exit before traffic comes to a standstill.
- If you are late to work and it’s gridlock, feel entitled to use the shoulder on any highway.
- Metro buses do not need to follow the Rules of the Road.
Bonus Rule: When stopping a motorist, police cars must block as much of the road as possible. Bonus points are awarded for creating major rubber-necking back-ups during rush hour.
Bonus Rule: Suburban drivers visiting DC who haven’t parallel parked since their driver’s test should remember that parking meters are free if it takes more than three minutes to get into a parking spot.
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9 Comments
Great Rules!
Thanks Eric.
Having driven in Athens, Rome, NYC, the UK (on the wrong side of the road), LA, San Francisco and bunch of other aggressive driver cities, DC is near the top.
People writing these rules must not be from the DC area. If people would keep up with traffic, not be ‘fraidy-cats, and KNOW their vehicles (how to drive them, their limits, size, etc.) we would ease much of our traffic woes. Get off the phone, CLOSE the GAP between YOU and the car in front of you (not tailgating, mind you), and keep up, everything would be OK. Plus, you can take those curves between Georgia Ave. and 270 at the speed limit — it’s ok, your car can handle it!
Oh yeah, and stay to the right and allow others to pass. “Fast” is relative and is reserved for the left lane.
Hey Funky Monkey — Perhaps you missed my attempt at humor. None of these are real rules, but were written to poke fun at people who drive as if these ARE the rules.
I forgot to add one more — Put the cel phone down and just drive!!!
There are some special road rules inside DC proper, and they relate to the fact that you, the driver, are the center of the universe and should not be inconvenienced:
1: If you’re in the middle of an intersection and realize that you’re lost, just stop the car right there and study your map. Take as long as you need.
2. If you’re on a narrow neighborhood street (say, Georgetown or Adams Morgan) and can’t parallel park (either because you don’t know how, or because it’s too much bother), just leave your vehicle in the left turn lane. Unless, that is, there is no left turn lane. In that case,
2a. stop the car right in the middle of the lane. Don’t worry about the desperate cars and buses trapped behind you. They won’t mind too much, as long as you leave on your emergency lights and return within 15-20 minutes.
3. If you want to turn around, just do it. Don’t worry about the fact that you’re in the middle of busy street; feel free to make a U-turn anywhere you’d like.
4. This “rule-bending” is understood to be accepted practice by the traffic cops of the MPD, and they won’t ever hassle you for it. Leave your car parked for an extra five minutes in a two-hour zone, however, and you’re in for it big time.
[...] last month, DC drivers were voted as the 5th rudest drivers in 25 U.S. [...]
[...] help people understand the new nuances of driving in Washington, DC area, as I posted last year, here are my Ten Rules for DC [...]
Another bonus rule:
When the light changes at an intersection, it is okay to move forward and block it. That way the other driver will never be able to turn in front of you (they only want to slow you down) and the people going straight won’t be able to block you by doing the same thing.