The DC Traveler

A friend who sends me all kinds of funny e-mails, just passed this one on.  It’s been around for a while, but so true.

It’s a perfect intro for first-time drivers to the Washington, DC area.

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  For those who plan to visit our area…

1. All directions start with "The Beltway"…which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an "inner" and "outer loop" designation, which makes no sense to ANYONE outside the area.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 11:00 a.m. The evening rush hour is from 1:00 to 8:00 p.m.  During the summer, Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning as residents head to the beach. Construction, lane closures and emergency preparedness drills occur during all other hours.
3. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be either rear-ended or shot at.  If you not to stop for a red light, smile for the $100 red light photo ticket you will receive courtesy of the District’s DMV.
4. Rain causes an immediate 95 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes a 145 point drop… plus a rush to the grocery store for massive amounts of toilet paper, bread and milk.
5. If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist.
6. If your map of suburban Maryland is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It’s obsolete.  If it’s a suburban Northern Virginia map and it’s one day old, it’s already at least two weeks out of code.
7. Many roads in Virginia change their names as you cross intersections.  Every 3 miles, the name “Lee’” must be used, as in Lee Highway, Robert E. Lee Memorial Road, General Lee Street, etc. 
8. There is nothing more normal to local drivers than seven lanes of Beltway traffic cruising bumper-to-bumper at 85 mph. Anything less is considered down right sissy.
9. The far left lane on all area roads are the official cell phone "chat" and “texting” lanes, where drivers are required to drive 15 mph slower than all other traffic.
10. A single driver using the car pool lanes (known as HOV or High Occupancy Vehicle lanes) is not wrong…. unless you get caught.

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